It's been a long time. Too long. I would like to say I've been too busy, but the truth is, I've been too BLANK. Too blocked. At least, at the times that would work to write. Ideas have come at many times over the last year and a half, just not at the right times. And if I jot down the bare bones of what seems to be something I want to write about, when I look back at it, it's just not the same.
So, to catch up: Zak finished his senior year. He played football, and did work study while working at the mill in the afternoons. His family grew by one sweet little girl in October of 2014. Ivy Rose was born on the 17th. I am continually amazed at what a wonderful father he is growing into. In May, he graduated - and sang Simple Man for his graduation ceremony. I KNOW his dad was with him, I know he was with me. It was another first for our family - the first child to graduate without him there. Bittersweet seems to describe every special occasion (and many "normal" days) that we have. In June, he and Brittany got married. This mama was proud, sad, thrilled, heartbroken, happy... pretty much every emotion you could think of, I felt them that day. She was a beautiful bride, and I am glad to call her my daughter. They are doing well - experiencing all the newlywed PLUS new parent emotions :) They are in the process of purchasing their new home. It's just a few blocks from our house, so I am looking forward to bike rides and walks to visit when the weather gets warmer.
Devin is well into his senior year. Last spring, he acted in his first musical as the prince in Beauty and the Beast. He finished his football career with an all-conference award, the coach's choice award, and was chosen as an all-area defensive end. Again - I KNOW his dad was there. He is going to the vocational school in Allegan this year, studying to be an electrician with plans to pursue an apprenticeship after graduation. It's so hard for me to believe that another of my little boys has grown so quickly into a man!
Olivia... my girl is so amazing to me! My dancer has become an athlete! She played volleyball and basketball in middle school, and now that she is a freshman in high school she has continued these sports. For this totally non-athletic mom to watch her on the court, well, let's just say I am always crazy proud! I don't make it to as many games as I would like because of my work schedule, but I get to the ones I can. She is pretty, she has many friends, and she does well in school. That said, her faith and her love for her family are the most beautiful things about her! Many times, I wonder just how she got so great - 'cause Paul and I definitely didn't know what we were doing much of the time - and I still feel that way A LOT.
And last, but most definitely not least, Elaina. My baby has changed so much! She is still silly and giggly and sweet and cuddly, but she has matured and become very caring and loving and TALL, so tall. She still struggles in school. That probably will always be something she has to work hard at. And she hasn't found her "thing" yet. But I know she will. And, selfishly, I want her to stay my baby for a while longer yet ;) When I look in her eyes, I see Paul looking out at me... my brown-eyed girl... She is the one who won't remember, she is the one who didn't get the chance to know him. It's up to me to fill in those blanks and I'm not sure I'm good enough at it.
Now that I've bragged on them some, I do need to say we are definitely NORMAL - we disagree, we argue, we disappoint each other... but in the end, we LOVE each other. We are still holding on. To each other, to our friends, and to GOD. Some days are hard. So very hard... But so much is good. More than good. I still wish to KNOW. I question why. Not always every day anymore, but still often. And, I still resolve to let the why of it go. It's something that I may want to know, but I don't need to know. Eventually, I'll know. I'll know it ALL.
As we start the new year, we look forward to many activities. Sports, musical, graduation, youth group trips, choir trips, spring break, the birth of a new grandbaby (Zak and Brit are expecting #3 in April)... I'm hoping to delve a little deeper again. To start up again. It's time. I feel like I've been in a fog. I hesitate to call it a depression, but it's been pretty close to that. I'm feeling again though. And ready to continue the journey. Stay tuned....
