It's been a wild ride lately. Summer is fading fast, it always seems like after the cottage week we blink and school is starting. June was a whirlwind with graduation parties, family visits, youth group trips, kids and jobs... And July went just as fast! It seems like we were just celebrating the 4th, picnic and parade style, and we blinked and it's the end of the month!
And yet, we keep on, keeping on. Very sad news this last week, a dear friend had a crazy bicycling accident and is just gone. Just like that. You can't prepare for stuff like this. I learned that the hard way 3 years ago. And yet... He was a kind, generous, compassionate man. A talented musician. A GOD-FEARING believer who has joined the friends and family who left us too soon at the feet of the Father. My heart aches for his family. For his long-time girl. For all of us, his friends who will miss him terribly. But my soul rejoices in his home-going. Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done my friend. You will live on in our hearts and memories, and in the paradise of Heaven. We WILL meet again. This is our only comfort...
It's been a hard few months for me, feelings of loneliness have overwhelmed at times. I struggle to put into words just how hard it's been. Even surrounded by people, it's there. Knowing friends and family are there isn't enough sometimes. And then I feel guilty for wanting more. I have an amazing life. I have been given so much. But the grief for what is missing covers me still. I want someone to come home to at night, someone who will listen to me b**** if I've had a rotten day, someone who will hold my hand on a walk... someone who will laugh with me when life throws a funny curveball... I think the last few years have taught me that I CAN DO this on my own. But, sometimes I don't WANT to...
Don't get me wrong, I love the relationships that have grown stronger because of being on my own. The closeness I have with my kids is awesome. The new friendships that I have made since moving into town are a huge blessing. Reconnecting with old friends has helped more than you will ever know. But... there is always that hole. I don't WANT to be alone. I don't think I was MEANT to be alone. And I hate that questioning. That "why" that rears it's ugly head... No matter how often I tell myself that God's plan is bigger than mine, the "why" is still there. Is this a crisis of faith? I don't think so. Sometimes it feels that way. Like if I just trusted more I would be content. But, I think it's more the fallen-ness of this life. There is no getting away from wanting more. It's in our nature. Hmm. I'm not expressing this right... If you have a better way, I'm all ears!
So, on that note, I'll sign off. I have lots of ideas and notes for more posts, they need to "hit" me a little more before I expand them. The jist of THIS note, is love on your loved ones. Hug them, give them a call if you haven't talked in awhile. They can be gone in a blink. Enjoy them. And, think about the big picture - are you going to spend eternity with them?
