choices

over the course of the last year I've blogged about a lot of stuff. I've tried to keep to our life - the "now" of it and some of what has brought us to this place. my intention when i started this was to take a look back and explore how some of the choices I've made in my life have made me who i am. but with each post, my mind has tended to bring me in various other directions.  this is ok with me -  one of the reasons i started this was for the therapeutic quality of it as well. sometimes just writing whatever floats to the surface is a good way to deal with crap and move beyond it. 

so when i reflect on the last year, and look over some past postings i am drawn into "choices"  as a topic.  when you get honest  about stuff, we all take a look back sometimes and wonder what if? what if i had worked harder in school? what if i had chosen a different course of study in college? what if i moved out of the house earlier? and then we get into the tougher questions - what if i had married someone different? what if...? we ALL ask ourselves these things at some point in our lives, we're human after all. i know i second guess myself almost daily - usually about pretty mundane stuff, but i do question my choices. 

 when i think about the biggest choices in my life, i remember that (yes, sometimes a worn out phrase works!) hindsight is 20/20. most likely, the girl i was would have made the same choices again and again. and really - if i hadn't made those choices i wouldn't be who i am or have the life i do! or the kids i do!  back to the future is one of my favorite movies. we have watched it many, many times over the years and I'm always reminded that we can't, shouldn't change the past. it shapes the present and builds the future. as Doc says, the future is whatever you make of it. i don't need to know what it holds, i just need to trust that God is taking me down the road i am meant to be on. 

i am content with the path my choices have led me to. yes, i look back and cringe about some of those choices... (c'mon who wouldn't cringe about a poodle perm!) but mostly i am just grateful God carried me through and brought me here. make good choices. make GOD choices.

New year, New challenges

January is rapidly coming to a close. The past couple of weeks have brought some interesting changes to our lives. Some of this journey is not just ours but belongs to some of our extended family, so it's not mine to share. I ask that you pray for God's loving hand and guidance without knowing those specifics. He knows.

Paul and his brother, along with some of their cousins are in the process of taking over general operations of the family business with the future intention of buying their parents out. This is a huge step and we are all looking forward to the challenges and rewards this is going to bring into our lives.  Guess it's time for us to finally grow up :)

And speaking of growing up, we ask for prayers of strength and wisdom for us and Zak and his girlfriend. Many of you already know, but for some this is fresh news - we are going to become grandparents this summer. We have known for a couple weeks and have been grieving for their loss of childhood, and our plans for their futures.  We, and they, have an amazing support system full of loving family and friends.  Our big challenge right now is making sure they have the tools they need for parenthood while they are still kids themselves.  And, making sure that they finish high school. Both us and Brittany' s parents have strong church families that  we can lean on and we are so very thankful for that! They also have some awesome role models within our own families and churches to ask advise and counsel from.  We really covet your prayers for them, us, and their brothers and sisters as we travel this new road together.

So, all in all, not the "new" year we anticipated. After last year, we were hoping and praying for a year of grace and renewal. But God' s timing is not ours, and while we would not wish for this start to parenthood, and grandparenthood, He knows the plan He has for us, and we trust Him always.  And the grace and renewal we anticipated may be all the better for this additional challenge.  I wonder so often what is in store for us - the strength God is growing in us through all these trials just must be in anticipation of something amazing! 

Our love to you, friends - I thank God for all of you daily:)

reflections

Before I even get going on this, I apologize for and spelling and/or grammar errors. I am posting from my kindle, and the keypad is more of a challenge than my computer keyboard:) As a follow-up to my previous post, I wanted to share some of my thoughts and some highlights from our round of holiday celebrations. 

We have a lot of parties - starting at Thanksgiving, and, this year anyway, extending through tomorrow.  Most years I enter this season of celebration in a less than celebratory mood. The obligation to be at all these functions is overwhelming with work, church, school, and other normal life activities. This year, I have been determined to enjoy each thing as it comes. And, for the most part, I think I have succeeded with that. We have certainly had our harried moments. But each gathering has served to remind me how truly blessed we are. We have a large, loving, fun extended family - on both sides, that we are lucky to be able to spend time with. We have jobs at places filled with people who care about us and our lives. Our kids go to schools with teachers who give so much of themselves to their classes and community. All 6 of us have been healthy this year... We have enjoyed some amazing Christmas celebrations at our church and others. 

Last night was a very low key New Years for us. Over the years, we have run the gamut of parties. The bar scene, the crazy parties with friends, our OWN crazy parties, having friends with young families over for early nights... part (a small part!) of me really missed the hyper, get buzzed on a few drinks, parties of the past - I can't deny that. But most of me loved our quiet, movies on the couch celebration from last night. Our lives are not the same anymore. And some things may never be revisited. That's ok. But the loss of our "misspent youth" is still bittersweet. You've gotta grow up sometime I guess!

It wasn't an easy Christmas for us. We mourned a lost loved one. We missed family who couldn't make it to Michigan this year. We ached for sick loved ones. We struggled with normal coping mechanisms that are no longer crutches. But through all of this, there was more of a joy and peace than we have had in a very long time. God's grace rains down!! He has given me the will to make changes in my life. Do I push back and argue about what He asks of me? Of  course! Change is hard and it hurts. But it also soothes and comforts. It's been a good year. The hard road seems to be the path we must travel, but we don't travel it alone. Thank you for all your prayers and support this past year - we have felt your love surrounding us and lifting us up. We are blessed by each of you, and wish you all God's blessings on this new year!