choices

over the course of the last year I've blogged about a lot of stuff. I've tried to keep to our life - the "now" of it and some of what has brought us to this place. my intention when i started this was to take a look back and explore how some of the choices I've made in my life have made me who i am. but with each post, my mind has tended to bring me in various other directions.  this is ok with me -  one of the reasons i started this was for the therapeutic quality of it as well. sometimes just writing whatever floats to the surface is a good way to deal with crap and move beyond it. 

so when i reflect on the last year, and look over some past postings i am drawn into "choices"  as a topic.  when you get honest  about stuff, we all take a look back sometimes and wonder what if? what if i had worked harder in school? what if i had chosen a different course of study in college? what if i moved out of the house earlier? and then we get into the tougher questions - what if i had married someone different? what if...? we ALL ask ourselves these things at some point in our lives, we're human after all. i know i second guess myself almost daily - usually about pretty mundane stuff, but i do question my choices. 

 when i think about the biggest choices in my life, i remember that (yes, sometimes a worn out phrase works!) hindsight is 20/20. most likely, the girl i was would have made the same choices again and again. and really - if i hadn't made those choices i wouldn't be who i am or have the life i do! or the kids i do!  back to the future is one of my favorite movies. we have watched it many, many times over the years and I'm always reminded that we can't, shouldn't change the past. it shapes the present and builds the future. as Doc says, the future is whatever you make of it. i don't need to know what it holds, i just need to trust that God is taking me down the road i am meant to be on. 

i am content with the path my choices have led me to. yes, i look back and cringe about some of those choices... (c'mon who wouldn't cringe about a poodle perm!) but mostly i am just grateful God carried me through and brought me here. make good choices. make GOD choices.