I don't know what to do!! 3 kids spent the night elsewhere last night, Paul and Zak left for work around 7:30.... Besides the dog/cat, I am the only one home!! Oh silence - you are my friend:) I tried to sleep in (darn internal clock anyway!), but decided I needed to enjoy as many minutes as I can BY MYSELF. I love my family, I enjoy the life going on in this place, but a few stolen minutes alone, IN MY HOUSE are pure joy just because they happen so infrequently:)
I've had my coffee (and yes, a cigarette too - that resolve has been steadily crumbling... YES, I am going to get back on that wagon!). No, the TV is not on - although a good, cheesy, hallmark movie could be enjoyable. No tunes, just amazing quiet. A nice long, hot shower would be good too - it seems that I either catch the tail end of the hot water, after everyone else has used it up, or I am in a hurry in the morning and don't get to experience the bliss of just standing there for the sake of standing there. I suppose I COULD turn up the radio and dance around in my underwear... but I'm NOT, hehe. If I had a book in the house that I have not read, that would definitely be on my agenda. I could do my nails, maybe a pedicure... Or the more mundane - sort the socks in the basket that is climbing toward the ceiling, load the dishwasher, throw a load of clothes in the machine... ...nah, I can do THOSE things when everyone is home! The possibilities are endless...
And so, I write. I love this. My thoughts may not always flow gracefully, I may whine and pout verbally, but this is MY therapy. I do it for ME. The busy-ness of our lives (and not just mine, yours too!) make it so we do not take the time always for the things that lift us up. The things that bring us back to ourselves.
With the holidays coming up, I am reminded that its not always about everyone else - I need to take a step back sometimes and do what I need to for ME. We have SO MANY "obligations" this time of year. Some of them, I think every year, we need to cut out. But then, November/December roll around and I just don't want to give them up. For many reasons: we see family that we don't get to spend time with often, the kids love to socialize, parties are FUN (once you get there!). But the down side for me is that by the end of the year, I'm done. With working full time, the school stuff, and then parties with family and sometimes friends, I'm worn out! I've thought about the new traditions that will eventually take the place of some that we have now. As the kids get older, and the days of children-in-laws rapidly approach, I wonder how different our lives will be. How we will celebrate special times?
Our personal Christmas has never been about how much we can buy for the kids (finances have never allowed that!). We usually look at what they NEED. Presents tend toward the mundane - socks, underwear, comforters for the beds... We do try to get them at least one thing each that is more "fun", but some years that isn't always so easy - especially now with them getting older. Its funny, the older they get, the more EXPENSIVE the "fun" presents get!
And Christmas isn't about the presents. We are so lucky to be able to celebrate the GIFT of God's Son in the ways we do, in this country. Our freedoms are so often taken for granted. With the election just over with, and so many of my friends and family NOT HAPPY with the results (I'm not gonna go there - my personal views are just that - personal!), I try to stay thankful that we HAVE the rights that we do. That our country is only our temporary home - we have someplace even GREATER to go when the time is right. And its all because of a little baby.
I have to say, I have pretty great kids. And, because gifts are more about need than want at our house - and always have been - they don't seem to focus on presents so much. Just like all of us, they love to get them, but they love to get ALL their presents. Not just the ones they want. They have been the greatest gifts of my life, I thank God for them every day. I hope and pray that I am giving them the gifts that will bring them HOME when its their time. I pray this for the someday-in-laws too. New traditions. New people to love. Old Faith.
And now, while I still have my blessed solitude, I'm gonna go do something else. Anything else. Because I can:) I'm alone. And yet, never alone. You all have a blessed Saturday. And blessed holidays - Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas! May God bring you every good thing this year!
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