Flood day!

So, after a winter too full of snow days (the kids are making up a few in June) today we had a "flood day".  A very NECESSARY flood day - our little town spent a lot of time underwater today! As I looked at the pictures via facebook from just about everyone I know in town, and the help that was being given and received, I was reassured that we are right where God wants us to be.  Our town is amazing.  Today's real life flood only illustrates the flood of support we have received from everyone around us. 

I don't really feel like blogging tonight.  What I really want to do is go to bed early. Zak isn't home yet, Elaina is in bed and the other 2 are doing their own things.  I think I was lead to blog tonight (I felt like it all came together in the right way anyway).  Its been a few days since the last one, and things have calmed down some... we were starting to get into our new normal routine... and then the gift of a day off. A day just spent together. For the most part anyway.  Liv had an ortho appointment so she and I went out after lunch for that, and then she went shopping with a friend.  Zak went to Brit's for supper and the rest of us ate leftovers.  It was a quiet day, and the memories have been flying at me all evening. 

I think its because of a community in need.  Paul would NOT have been happy to deal with all the water and flooding at work today, but - he would have been the first to lend a hand and help our town through this.  A day like today would have been so "him".  Grumpy on the outside, loving and willing heart on the inside. I was afraid to let the boys go into town to help today.  Not sure of the roads on their way to town.  So I kept them home.  One of the things I need to learn to let go of.  Paul would have let them go.  He would have gone with them! My mother's heart doesn't want them to grow up, to be big enough to do that on their own.  To be able to make those kinds of decisions.  Especially now.

I'm tired tonight. And sad. And feeling kind of down.  I didn't feel this way all day, its just kind of snuck up on me in the last hour or so.  I've been expecting days/moments like this.  Until now, even through the grief I've felt really uplifted and if not positive, at least not negative.  I'm a little negative tonight.  Even KNOWING God's got this, I mean, my wedding rings were found on my anniversary!! If that's not His way of telling me its all gonna be ok, I don't know what is.  But tonight is a down night. I think I heard Zak's car, I'm going to bed.  Maybe I was supposed to write all this "whine" tonight so that you all know I'm no saint in this! I've had so many people tell me how "amazing my strength is" and "what a testament" I am.  I want this to mean something and I'm glad they see that in me.  But I am human.  I am lonely.  This is real life. And tonight it really sucks.