So, how many of you have contemplated the good, the bad, and the ugly of social media? I am the first to admit, I am quite addicted to it. Not the games so much - mostly because I don't let myself play them. But the inherent voyeurism of it. I love looking into the lives of people. Not just those I consider my "besties", but those I am in limited, cyber contact with as well. I have always been one of those people who; while driving down the road after dark, enjoys the glimpses of others lives through the "movie screens" of their lit windows. FB allows this on a much grander scale. It makes our worlds so much smaller. I love being able to chat with a friend in the Netherlands with the click of my keyboard. Its fun catching up with friends I haven't seen in 20+ years. And, lets face it, snooping into the lives of our children has its bonuses...
But, it has a dark side too. It feeds the gossip mongers among us by its very nature. It enables us to hurt others without direct confrontation, without coming right out and saying anything to them. Jealousy has fertile soil to grow in. Sometimes the renewed friendships can destroy current relationships. Some of us may be immediately affected by these things, and some may not see the effects until years from now - but being the humans we are, in some shape or form social media is going to "get" us at some point. Its going to hurt. This isn't to say its any worse than actual, human interaction. Because, we all know how much pain what others say can cause us face to face. I'm just observing. And, I'm just as guilty. I have never tried to "poke" someone with my judgement of their lives. With my "truth" about them. But, I have probably inadvertently caused someone pain by my typed thoughts. If its you, I am truly sorry. It was NOT intentional. FB seems to me like a voodoo doll sometimes. It can be used to "stick" someone time and again, until the pain of it gets to be too much. The judgement in some posts can weigh like a rock on someone's soul. Yes, sometimes the judgements "sticks" are the truth. Does that mean they HAVE to be expressed? Does that mean they need to be put out there for all to see? My own thought on this is that yes; sometimes you need to say something, but not always. And if you do, send it IN AN INBOX to the person you are "sticking" with that pin. Privately.
Personally, I am glad to have it. The support I have received from old, new and beloved friends and relatives has helped get me through one of the most difficult times of my life. I wouldn't have that if FB didn't exist. I love that I can know what my friends are struggling with - and what prayers they need. Sometimes, its easier to put out that request to the impersonal masses than to call someone up and tell them what you need. And, then, someone you would never expect might have some real insight into whatever you may be dealing with. They might be the answer to YOUR prayer. All because you requested prayers on a website. I've experienced it personally.
I expected to have some really bad nights with Paul away. And there have been a few. But not nearly as many as I thought - I really believe its because I spend my falling-asleep-time listing those FB contacts who have expressed prayer concerns. I'm spending my time praying for all of my friends who have asked for it. Not just then, but while I'm walking too. And while I'm driving. My quiet hours are turning into prayer hours. I'm learning to put on my armor and be a warrior for those who need it. Oh, I still struggle with depression, self pity, bitterness, and anger. But, those things don't control my life.
I hope social media is a wonderful, positive thing in your life. I hope you can leave the bad, the ugly on the screen and embrace the good things about it. I've been challenged to be positive in everything that I put out there. I don't always succeed, but I'm trying. Sometimes, you just need to let the ugly out. I get it. I do it:) But, try it with me. Lets find the good in something every day, and let others know it by what we write.
Once a year, I get together for a "girls weekend" with some old friends. Some, I have known since babyhood. Some, since high school. But, we all still stay in touch. I don't think there are many who are this lucky. (Of course, FaceBook makes staying in touch much easier...)
We started doing this weekend away 15 years ago. At that time, it was always a "contest" to guess which one of us was going to be pregnant for the next year's get-a-way. Because with 7 of us, someone always was. For about 10 years.... I don't know the statistics, but out of the 7 of us, someone should be divorced by now too. And, while I almost got to claim that distinction 9 years ago, none of us are. I find this amazing. It speaks to me about the strength, the faith, the commitment of all these women. Now, we were laughing about the fact that very easily within the next 5-10 years we will be playing the guessing game again - about grandchildren! This year, its the start of college plans for some of us, high school for others, and a few with grade-schoolers yet. We've got it ALL covered!
We used to stay up most of the night, catching up, laughing, playing games, watching movies, scrapbooking. And, we still do that. But, for myself anyway - I can say it takes a few more days to catch up than it used to! And, this year I left early. With Paul away, I planned to come home Saturday anyway. I didn't want to leave the kids on their own more than one night. Which worked out well - Paul was able to come home for a night! The first time since January 23rd that we have slept under the same roof. It felt really good. It felt really normal. Then I had to bring him back tonight. That didn't feel very good. Or normal. I haven't cried much about any of this. Which has seemed a little strange to me - I can cry about a tv commercial! But, tonight - its a crying kind of night. I don't want to be strong anymore. I'm just tired I guess.
Its good to know I have people I can turn to when I need to rest. People who have known me a long time. People I trust, when I just can't keep going. Oh, we have our "high school" moments. We are human after all! We don't all click all the time. Some of us don't see eye-to-eye about things. We have different ideas about just about everything. But, still, we are friends. We care about each other. We support each other. When it comes right down to it, any one of these women would do whatever it took to be there for any one of us. And, I know that all of us have others in our lives who fulfill this for us as well. We all have lots of other friends. Some of us even have "better" friends. But, like I said in the beginning, we are LUCKY to have each other. To know each other. To be "there" for each other. And I just want to say Thank You to my friends. Ladies, you are wonderful friends. I appreciate each of you so much. I really needed to get out of my life for a bit. And you all made that happen. It might not have been for very long - but it was just enough! My one night this year was just right :)
I would have to say that today was just as great of a day as yesterday. I started the day out with a walk on the treadmill. Really, I did! I surprised myself this weekend. Friday night I was pretty sure that I "deserved" a weekend off from exercise. That 2 days really didn't matter. But Saturday morning and again this morning I just couldn't skip it! Huh. Who would have figured.
We have such an amazing church family. When we started going to our church a little over 7 years ago, it was with the idea that we were just going to try it because we wanted to go to a church in the community where the kids went to school. And it just "fit". We've made some good friends, and now I can't imagine going anywhere else. This morning, everyone I talked to reminded me why we go to church in the first place - to lift each other up. Rejoice with them during the good times, and sorrow with them when life takes other directions. Pray with and FOR them. I am so thankful for each and every one of my church family!
After church today we went to pick Paul up from ARC. We made kind of a late start, because once I get talking... He was waiting for us when we got there. HE LOOKED SO GOOD!! His back is healing well, he has work to keep him busy, he's eating well, and has lost a few pounds too! Its good to see the happy side of him again. And, he is still the same Paul he's always been :) We had a fun family lunch at Logan's with his parents. Then we got to go HOME. Oh, how good it was to just be "normal" for the day! Devin spent the weekend at YG camp, so we went to pick him up, and then just relaxed with a movie. There was a meeting for the summer serve project Zak is going on, so Paul was able to go to that with me. I think it was just what he needed. Seeing some of the people who have been so faithfully supporting him in prayer, and hearing how much he is missed can only help.
But, like every "date", there is an end. And it really did feel very much like a date. He was ready to be picked up when we got there. We went out to lunch and then home for a movie. We socialized with people we knew. And then he had to be back in time for curfew. Very strange feeling. Almost like being thrown back in time. The thing is, when you are 19 and dating, all you have to think about is the "now" of it. There are no worries. NOW, though, we have 4 kids who are VERY affected by every choice, every decision we make. After living our life together, and then to go back to "dating", when for 18+ years we have lived along side each other, it was just really hard. I need a cigarette. Or, I should say, I WANT a cigarette. But, I won't have one. Because, I DON'T need one. And, I really don't want one either. What I WANT is my husband back. I need him back. And I know I'll get him back. Its just gonna take time. Like I said, bittersweet.
