New year, New challenges

January is rapidly coming to a close. The past couple of weeks have brought some interesting changes to our lives. Some of this journey is not just ours but belongs to some of our extended family, so it's not mine to share. I ask that you pray for God's loving hand and guidance without knowing those specifics. He knows.

Paul and his brother, along with some of their cousins are in the process of taking over general operations of the family business with the future intention of buying their parents out. This is a huge step and we are all looking forward to the challenges and rewards this is going to bring into our lives.  Guess it's time for us to finally grow up :)

And speaking of growing up, we ask for prayers of strength and wisdom for us and Zak and his girlfriend. Many of you already know, but for some this is fresh news - we are going to become grandparents this summer. We have known for a couple weeks and have been grieving for their loss of childhood, and our plans for their futures.  We, and they, have an amazing support system full of loving family and friends.  Our big challenge right now is making sure they have the tools they need for parenthood while they are still kids themselves.  And, making sure that they finish high school. Both us and Brittany' s parents have strong church families that  we can lean on and we are so very thankful for that! They also have some awesome role models within our own families and churches to ask advise and counsel from.  We really covet your prayers for them, us, and their brothers and sisters as we travel this new road together.

So, all in all, not the "new" year we anticipated. After last year, we were hoping and praying for a year of grace and renewal. But God' s timing is not ours, and while we would not wish for this start to parenthood, and grandparenthood, He knows the plan He has for us, and we trust Him always.  And the grace and renewal we anticipated may be all the better for this additional challenge.  I wonder so often what is in store for us - the strength God is growing in us through all these trials just must be in anticipation of something amazing! 

Our love to you, friends - I thank God for all of you daily:)

reflections

Before I even get going on this, I apologize for and spelling and/or grammar errors. I am posting from my kindle, and the keypad is more of a challenge than my computer keyboard:) As a follow-up to my previous post, I wanted to share some of my thoughts and some highlights from our round of holiday celebrations. 

We have a lot of parties - starting at Thanksgiving, and, this year anyway, extending through tomorrow.  Most years I enter this season of celebration in a less than celebratory mood. The obligation to be at all these functions is overwhelming with work, church, school, and other normal life activities. This year, I have been determined to enjoy each thing as it comes. And, for the most part, I think I have succeeded with that. We have certainly had our harried moments. But each gathering has served to remind me how truly blessed we are. We have a large, loving, fun extended family - on both sides, that we are lucky to be able to spend time with. We have jobs at places filled with people who care about us and our lives. Our kids go to schools with teachers who give so much of themselves to their classes and community. All 6 of us have been healthy this year... We have enjoyed some amazing Christmas celebrations at our church and others. 

Last night was a very low key New Years for us. Over the years, we have run the gamut of parties. The bar scene, the crazy parties with friends, our OWN crazy parties, having friends with young families over for early nights... part (a small part!) of me really missed the hyper, get buzzed on a few drinks, parties of the past - I can't deny that. But most of me loved our quiet, movies on the couch celebration from last night. Our lives are not the same anymore. And some things may never be revisited. That's ok. But the loss of our "misspent youth" is still bittersweet. You've gotta grow up sometime I guess!

It wasn't an easy Christmas for us. We mourned a lost loved one. We missed family who couldn't make it to Michigan this year. We ached for sick loved ones. We struggled with normal coping mechanisms that are no longer crutches. But through all of this, there was more of a joy and peace than we have had in a very long time. God's grace rains down!! He has given me the will to make changes in my life. Do I push back and argue about what He asks of me? Of  course! Change is hard and it hurts. But it also soothes and comforts. It's been a good year. The hard road seems to be the path we must travel, but we don't travel it alone. Thank you for all your prayers and support this past year - we have felt your love surrounding us and lifting us up. We are blessed by each of you, and wish you all God's blessings on this new year!

I will not be grumpy... most of the time...

So, yesterday officially kicked off the start of our holiday season.  December tends to be a mad rush of school programs, choir concerts, church programs, family parties.... And I'm usually a Scrooge.  Not the BIGGEST Scrooge, that title is reserved for Paul;) With work and everything going on the stress and bustle tend to get me, shall we say, crabby... BUT, this year, I am determined that I am going to enjoy the festivities.  This doesn't mean I'm going to be jumping up and down with excitement hours before every event, but it does mean I'm going to anticipate the good of each thing. 

After contemplating how much I have to be thankful for this month, I realized how much I take for granted and how much of my enjoyment of each thing comes from within.  We are so blessed. Its been a strange year, with lots of bad stuff.  Not just in my little 6-person home, but in my wider family.  I spoke with Andy yesterday about Dillon.  He has left such an empty place in our family.  True, the memories are not all golden, but the suddeness of his death, and the questions and guilt left behind can just be overwhelming.  Especially right now.  These "first" holidays are so hard to celebrate when you don't feel like you have the right to be happy with out him.  These feelings and this pain are of course not really MINE.  I share them as I hurt for Andy and Lisa, but I cannot begin to understand their level of hurt and just how much he is missed. So along with my general holiday Scrooginess, I am striving to be as generous emotionally as I can.  This is not my forte'.  My heart hurts for them, and I hope they know that we are here for them in any way that they may need.

The first 6 months of 2012 were such an uncertain time for US too.  Paul's treatment and recovery basically took over our lives.  So much good came out of such a low point.  The kids and I learned to manage on our own. To ask for help when we needed it, to help each other.  I learned (and am still learning!) that the only one I can "fix" is myself.  I can only work on my own issues and problems.  I can be supportive, empathetic even, but I can't fix Paul's addiction.  I still have moments, days even, when it all overwhelms me.  When I don't know how I can get up and face the day.  But, my faith has grown tremendously, and my own issues continue to be a work in progress.  As are Paul's for himself.  I KNOW he struggles every day.  I see his frustration in not having that crutch to lean on. To drown in.  I watch his progress as he learns new ways to cope with the mundane of the day. I am so proud of him for staying with it.  There has been a fall off the wagon. One. And it has been followed by a new resolve.  For him and for me.  I am trusting that while our path is rocky at times, it is the right one for us.  And we keep on keeping on.

Its time to get moving.  I have a lot to accomplish today.  I am not a black Friday shopper.  So, today I am home, looking at the day that is stretching out in front of me.  The Scrooge in me says "bah, humbug, I DON'T want to put up the Christmas stuff (at all!)." The new, non-grumpy me says "let's get going and clean this place up, let's get the tree and trimmings out since we are all here and have the day to do it!" I will settle for somewhere in the middle, and get done what I can with as much non-scroogey attitude as I can muster. 

Be thankful for your blessings.  I'm working on that too.