I'm just not feeling happy today. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed, or bummed out, just not, happy. I am a firm believer in CONTENT rather than happy as a rule. I think if you live your life always looking to be happy - as in WHAT will make me happy, WHO do I need to be with to be happy, HOW am I going to stay happy... then you miss out on the things that make you content. The things that are enough.
"It is what it is", has been my mantra for many years. It kind of HAS to have been. To get through my days, seeing how we were. And, to some degree, this is truth no matter what. You do have to just accept sometimes. It is what it is. BUT, we do have that ability to CHANGE what isn't working for us. To IMPROVE what's not right. To SET GOALS for the future. Here's the kicker, for me anyway. When I have done this in the past its made me discontent with what I have now, in the present.
I want to live my life for the moment. I want to be happy with what is. I don't want to look at the past and wish I could change things, or wish I could do things differently. But, I want to make the future brighter too. I want to make my house a haven for my kids. I want to make my marriage an example of the RIGHT way to interact and enjoy my spouse. I want to live a healthier, more active life to set an example for my kids. I want my faith to show to others. The problem I have is mixing all this up in a balanced way. To be content in the now, and still strive for the reachable goals for the future. Not looking back - I'm trying to only do that when I feel like I have something to learn from the past - not relive the mistakes and beat myself or anyone else up about it.
So, yeah. Today, I'm just not feeling it. I think I'm wallowing a bit. I don't know how to do any of this today. I'm not happy. And, thats ok. I'm allowed. I won't stay this way. I'll find the contentedness again. Maybe not the happy, at least not right away. I might need to learn how to BE happy. Hmmm. I think I need to learn that again. Content - that I can do.
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