june

Its been a busy month for us.  I have a hard time balancing the things I want to do, and the things that I NEED to do.  Wouldn't we all rather do the "fun" things??  And, when it seems that there is so MUCH that I need to do, and I don't know how to fit the things I want to do in... well, I get down.  I know I'm not alone in this, and I really, REALLY don't want to whine about it. My goal with this is not to weigh others down with my negativity... so, I will focus on the things that get me UP:)

I am reminded what good kids I have.  We really have been extra busy this month, and with the exception of a few "don't bug me" episodes and a little teenage attitude - the big 3 especially have been helpful and pleasant to be around.  Baby girl, she just wants to help all the time...  even when help isn't really helpful:) And, as long as she gets a good nights sleep, she's pretty much a joy to be around;)  They are also good friends - most of the time! Dev and Liv had friends visit from Tennessee, who were a bit homesick. So, we invited them to be part of our family for 10 days.  (I'm sure the days they spent with their grandparents were a welcome respite from our hectic house!) Zak and Dev have also been working part-time at the mill. In the NASTY, dirty, basement of the mill. That probably hasn't been cleaned or used in, well, a really long time.  They have been doing this without complaint (generally!).  They do get a day at Aunt Lisa's pool once a week, and Grandma Smit plans on them helping out around her house too, so they will get a break from the dust and dirt, but its good for them.  Keeps them off the video games all summer.  Liv is "in charge" while the boys are working this summer.  Its been, good. Most of the time.  We haven't had a very normal schedule yet, so time will tell. I have confidence in her though. 

I treasure the good friends who always call at just the right time.  To go for a walk, to plan a movie date, or just tell me about their day.  It reminds me that I'm not alone in this. Not that I am ever alone... Sometimes, I admit, I long for some moments by myself that don't include speeding down the expressway! My walks do help this, but I am getting those in before work right now with my sister when I drop the boys at weightlifting.  And, lets face it - sometimes you just don't want to do it again! So, my evening walks - my reflection time - is on hiatus for now.  Which, in 90+ degree weather isn't all bad!  And, speaking of treasured people... my sister is my go-to for just about everything right now.  I'm pretty sure she gets awfully sick of me some days!  But I appreciate everything she does for me, and I KNOW I don't know what I would do without her!

Sisters...  I have some difficult news from my mom about one of her sisters.  She went into the hospital with some stomach issues, and they discovered a tumor on her pancreas. Right now, they do not know for sure that it is cancerous, but she is having some pretty major surgery tomorrow, followed by what sounds like a longish hospital stay.  Growing up, we were always really close to my mom's sisters and this is a really hard thing for me - I can't imagine what her husband/kids/grandkids are feeling or how my mom and her other sisters feel.  I am praying hard, and ask that you do as well.  She has always been an amazing example of faith in my life, and no matter what I KNOW she will continue to be one of God's shining lights for me.  So, while this isn't necessarily an "upper" for me, it does serve to remind me that God always has His hands on us, and a purpose for everything we live through.

Paul is planning on coming home in about 10 days.  This is a HUGE step for us.  I have so many mixed feelings about it, I can't even put it into words.  One of the steps in deciding if he is ready to come home, and continue his program from here was talking to the "leveling counselor", who makes the recomendation to stay at the ARC for the last level, or determines if someone is strong enough to complete the program from home.  Paul said the counselor is confident that he has the tools he needs to come home at the end of the month.  I need to be confident then, too.  God placed the people at the ARC in Paul's life at this time for a reason, and I have to trust that He is working on a much larger plan for our lives.  I'm not good at trust. I'm not good at giving up control.  I'm not good at living without a "plan".  These are all things that I am asking you to pray for. For me, and for Paul. For our kids.

Funny how just writing it all out, gets it out of my system. How I feel so much better than I did just a 1/2 hour ago:) I may not know each of you reading this, but I thank God for all of you as well, and ask a blessing on your lives too - without you, this would just be a diary...!