What is normal?

Paul is home.  I picked him up last night after work.  He is still finishing the program, but level 5 can be done from home.  After 5 months of him being away, we have some adjusting to do.  Its a good thing he has to submit meeting slips 3 times a week while he is on level 5 - just coming home and dealing with "real" life without the crutches he has leaned on for so many years would not have been a good thing.  This way, he has support from more than me, the kids, and friends - you can never have too much support! This weekend doesn't have the surreal feeling that I expected his homecoming to have - maybe because he has been home most weekends for the last several months anyway.  I think the "work week" will be the biggest change for us.  He has had a certain schedule that he has maintained for the months away, and we have our routine each day too.  Pray for smooth adjustments for all of us.

I have been reminded by several friends that there is no such thing as "normal".  I don't know that I believe this.  I do think normal is different for everyone, and different at different life stages.  And, for us, normal has been doing what we need to in order to function each day.  This is not going to be "normal" for us anymore. In the last several years, we have done less and less socially - mostly because I just couldn't deal with the drunk Paul at functions where we normally drank. And even functions without it weren't fun because he either got loaded before we went, or was antsy to "get it over with, and get home" because he needed a drink.  So, we have lost many friends - and before you say "they weren't really friends, if you lost them over this" - think about it, think about how much of our lives include alcohol as part of the "party".  These aren't friends who were pressuring us/him to drink to oblivion. These were people who we socialized with, had fun with, and sometimes had a few drinks with because, thats just what we as a society do. And, for most people, this is just fine.  For ME its fine.  It might be fine for you.  Its not fine for Paul.  And, he hates to be the one that people can't drink around. He feels stupid if we are with people who would "normally" have a drink or 2 when we are together and they don't. I view it as a respect thing.  I'm not going to chug down a beer in front of him on a hot day just because I may have in the past - 1. I don't NEED to. 2. I think its disrespectful to him. And many, MANY of our friends/family feel the same way.  BUT, he would rather not go somewhere than have people change how they would socialize just to be with him.  This is going to change our "normal" social life.  And, I'm good with that.  We just need to find some NEW activities to do, some other ways to get out of our box.  Because just staying home all the time is NOT going to be a good thing for us either.  Finding our new "normal" is going to be a work in progress I think. 

The boys are working a lot this summer too - Zak has finally figured out that if he wants to drive (and DATE) he needs money! And, to get money, you need to work.  Devin has always been more willing to work, and he is more of a saver - plus, he watches what Zak does, and sees that if he wants a car when he is 16, he needs to start saving NOW, not just a few months before that big birthday.  We are speeding toward that big milestone for Zak - so if any of you has a car they want to get rid of cheap... "Normal" is changing rapidly with the boys right now, and we are just trying to keep up!  Dev will be joining Zak in high school in the fall - so we'll be that much busier! At least many of their activities will be together - they will both be on the JV football team this year - first time they will play together, we can't wait for that! And, choir concerts will be the same nights, so at least we can combine that stuff to simplify our routine.  But, Liv will be starting middle school too - so we'll have 4 kids in 3 different schools this year - which could cause some logistic problems! But, "normal" for us has always been juggling 6 schedules with 1 driver - so maybe, having 2 (or 3, if Paul is eligible) drivers could be a bonus this year - our NEW "normal"?!

A friend posted something to the effect of "no where in the Bible does it tell you to figure it out, it just says to TRUST God.  He already has it figured out" on her FB status.  This is something I need to remind myself of continuously - I don't NEED to figure out how to deal with our new "normal" - God already has a plan in place for us.  We just need to TRUST that He is going to take us where we need to be.

And now, before you read any further - a WARNING... to my male readers!  I'm gonna talk hormones and menopause!! You may want to skip the rest :-) If you are still reading, I am assuming you are a woman, or a man who is in touch with his feminine side - and, c'mon - you all have mothers, wives, sisters, daughters etc. who force you to deal with this anyway!

"Normal" is not normal for me anymore - my hormones are going crazy!!  I haven't been "regular" in about 8 months - which is SO not normal for me - so I went to the doctor in February.  Ok, I am "only" 40 - but, my hormone levels are pre-menopausal.  Meaning, I'm not going to be "regular" anymore.  This does not necessarily make me unhappy, in fact, it can be happiness inducing (life becomes much simpler...)!   EXCEPT, now, I don't know what to expect from my body anymore!!  I might go months without a cycle, and then have only 2 weeks in between... This not knowing makes me grumpy, and the fluctuating hormones do NOT make me easy to live with - the stupidest things can set me off, or drive me to tears.  And you throw in hot-flashes to boot.  I haven't had but a few, and some night sweats - but C'MON!!  I'm not prepared for this yet!  I feel sorry for my family having to deal with me during all this. But, I guess I deal with teenage angst & girly drama with the kids, paybacks...  I know this is "normal" for lots of people, but its a new normal for me - so there is definitely an adjustment!

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So, our family has lots of new things to figure out.  NORMAL, may not happen for a while, but I believe we will find it - or some semblance of it anyway! There IS such a thing as normal - ours may be different from yours, but we'll find our way there eventually:-)