Rollercoasters and Trains

Oh the things that bump around in your brain at 5am! The dog woke me to go outside early this morning (only because its Saturday, and I SHOULD be able to sleep in!) and after trying to go back to sleep, I am spilling my thoughts instead. I really did try to go back to bed, but just had to get what I was thinking out.

In the first years of our marriage, Paul and I partied pretty hard. When you live that lifestyle, after a while thats all you can see. We said some pretty hateful things to each other. One of the things he threw at me in the heat of an arguement was that I "didn't look like I did when we met". This was maybe 2 years into our marriage. And he was right, I didn't. I had gained probably 20 lbs. Certainly didn't look like I do now, but by no means overweight! That threw me. And, it has stuck with me. Festered, so to speak. Oh, I threw some stuff back at him - funny thing is, I don't remember anything specific! But, I bet he does. Words hurt. This is how my thought process started this morning. It led to what a rollercoaster ride our life together has been. It seemed like such a perfect metaphor. The thrill, the speed. When you are young - you seem to crave that. And, after a while, if you keep riding that ride, you start to get sick. You just can't take that rollercoaster anymore. You're parent sometimes has to MAKE you get off.

Thats what God does for us. He gets in our face and says "ENOUGH! You are turning green, you're going to puke any minute. GET OFF THIS RIDE!" Then, He takes us by the hand, and leads us to the bench beside the ride. He soothes us, comforts us, and tells us to just rest. Thats what Paul and I are doing right now. Taking a break from the ride. Finding some peace. Letting our stomaches settle. We all need a time for this. I wish we could have found a way to do it together, but sometimes you need the breathing space.

At some point though, you have to get back on the ride. But, you don't have to choose the rollercoaster. You can choose the train that runs through the park. You can get on, and relax, let the breeze blow in your face. NOTICE the activity going on around you. Enjoy the people on the ride with you. On that rollercoaster, you blink and its over. I don't want to live my life that way. I want to enjoy every second, every minute that God has planned for me. On the train, I can do that. Even with the train, there are curves ahead. You can't see around that next bend. And thats ok. You are traveling slowly, and STEADILY enough to figure out what needs to be done before something comes up. And, there are still valleys, hills where that train picks up some speed - provides a "thrill". And, with 4 kids, our lives are NEVER going to be still, or dull! I can't wait to see what God has in store for us, no matter WHAT it may be! I know that whatever lies ahead for us, God is going to be right there with us, holding us in HIS hand. We just need to listen to Him when he tells us that its time to pick a different ride. We can't play the spoiled child who WANTS TO GO ON THAT ROLLERCOASTER <stamp foot here>, anymore. It is making us sick.

Paul is struggling with the grip his addiction has on his life on his "bench beside the rollercoaster". I am using a desire to change as my bench. It feels good, to breathe deeply, to relax. I am looking forward to the day when we can climb back onto the train together. And finish the ride, side-by-side. For as long as it may be. We're getting there! And, hopefully, the memory of the "rollercoaster" ride that the beginning of our marriage was can be something we look back on with a smile, and a laugh, and a "we were so young" memory kind of thing. It was fun then, but THIS is better :)

Faith

Faith: (fayth)

NOUN 

1. belief or trust: belief in, devotion to, or trust in somebody or something, especially without logical proof 2. religion or religious group: a system of religious belief, or the group of people who adhere to it 3. trust in God: belief in and devotion to God 4. set of beliefs: a strongly held set of beliefs or principles 5. loyalty: allegiance or loyalty to somebody or something

[ 13th century. Via Old French feid < Latin fides "trust, belief" ]

How do you define faith? Growing up, I lived in a very "insulated" community. Not just the town where I lived, but the schools I attended.  Everyone I knew, I KNEW what they believed, what their "Faith" was (according to 2. of the dictionary definition). And, for the most part everyone knew what my "Faith" was.  It was comfortable. It was easy. Witnessing my Faith (3) to others was something I never really did. Oh, I professed what I believed. And, to some degree, I lived what I believed. When it was convenient. College was my first real experience with people who didn't believe the same way I did. Don't get me wrong - I had friends with different church backgrounds than me before that, but for the most part, they all had some sort of church background, a faith. So, college was a turning point. Did the new friends I made see what I believed in how I lived, what I did and said? I am ashamed now to say, probably not. I did not express my faith openly. A very few, who also had some sort of religious background knew, but only a few.

Paul and I met during these years. I believe we were both living "faithlessly" at that time. But God had bigger plans for us. One of the things that was an unexpected surprise; and, I think kept us dating, was the fact that we did come from the same background. Different lives, but the same "insulation". But we weren't living our faith when we started out. Our road together has taken many paths over the years, and many of them haven't been pleasant. Our faith has taken quite a beating during our journey - in EVERY definition of the word. But, here we are. God hasn't lost HIS faith in us. That is amazing to me! If we can and will accept it, His love is free! Our SALVATION is only conditional on our true repentance of our sins and acceptance of His sacrifice. He has taken all those "faithless" years and erased them. I hope you can rest in this knowledge too. I'm done hiding my faith. God has been good to us!  We are learning to live our faith like we should have been all along.

Faith shouldn't just be a "word of the day". It needs to be a "word of LIFE".