Are you waiting?

We spend a lot of time waiting for something. Right now, I am waiting for pizza to be delivered. Earlier today, I was waiting for my work day to be over. I'm not a very patient person. I don't like to wait. The last few weeks, I have really turned my focus inward, I've really been examining just what makes me tick. I realized that I look too much toward what will be, and tell myself I'm waiting for this or that... I am not very good at enjoying the moment. I have a picture, a vision if you will, of what my life should be - what it WILL be, if I wait long enough. The problem with this is, if all you do is WAIT for something - nothing happens. You'll always be waiting. Waiting for your ship to come in, waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for your kids to grow up, waiting, waiting, waiting... Now, I'm not necessarily waiting for all these things - but everyone waits for something. Like I said - I'm waiting for pizza right now. I'm hungry, and impatient. BUT, here it is - mmmm. Sometimes things are better when you have to wait for them.

I'm also waiting for Paul to come home. For him to be better.  Thats not really fair to him. To expect that he will be better than he is. He is already the man I love, and have loved for more than 1/2 my lifetime. I shouldn't expect better. I should expect healed (improved maybe?). I think, he is probably waiting to come home too. And wondering if he will be healed enough to come home. Again, we WAIT to find this out.

Throughout all this waiting, we are being taught life's lessons.To have patience. To embrace God's mercy. To humbly come before Him and ask for His help and guidance. (Yes, I was a Calvinette, NOT a GEM...!) And, sometimes you have to wait to hear the answers to prayers.  I struggle with these things. I'm not patient. And I'm certainly not humble! And to give everything to God - to turn it over and quit worrying... well, I'm learning that lesson daily :) Its a good thing God is patient with us, and that His mercy is unfailing!

I'm also finding that you don't have to wait alone. God puts people in our lives for a reason. Some people are there only for a season, but others - they are there for the long haul. Through the cold, lonely winters that life inevitably sends our way, the springtimes - with the renewal of spirits. The summers of life - when its easy to BE a friend, and the autumns when harvest is over, and life is looking like its winding down. He puts people in our lives when we NEED them. Our friends are God's hands in our lives - sent by Him to help us wait. 

I'm also finding that we don't have to just WAIT. We can do something to pass that time. Sometimes, the things we find to do - become a lifestyle change. I'm hoping that getting MOVING is going to be a good change in my life. I'm hoping that writing all the stuff in my head is going to be a life-long change.  But, even if these things are only "seasonal", I'm glad I started them. I have started a devotional at night too. Right now, I am working on Psalm 23. I think God is making me lie down in the green pastures to restore my soul. Sometimes, the waiting is good for us. It makes us take the time out of our busy, crazy lives to just be.

Sorry for the rambling. I'm just typing as it comes to me :) So, are you waiting? What for? Who with? Is it worth the wait? I can't wait for the day when Paul comes home to stay. I bet God feels that way about us too. He can't wait for the day when we come home to stay.

Word of the day: Motivation

Motivation is the word I picked for today.  What is my Motivation?

I really want to be healthy. In every aspect of my life.  How do I do that?? Physically, I am making a good start, a healthy start.  I have given up cigarettes - something I have hung onto FIERCELY for more than 20 years.  I had plenty of "reasons" for not quiting: I have too much stress right now, I don't really smoke that much, its too hard while Paul smokes, I LIKE it (really?!)... I could probably come up with more, but the truth is all of them are just excuses.  I am addicted to them. And, like any addiction, until you decide you CAN'T do it anymore, and WON'T do it anymore, you'll keep doing it.  Well, I can't, and won't smoke anymore.  Its healthier for me, its healthier for my kids, and since my body is God's temple - its what HE wants for me. Its not easy, its not fun, do I still want a cigarette? Oh YES. Yes, yes, yes. But, each day is a new day. And there are pretty long stretches of each day that I don't even think about smoking.

And now, EXERCISE.  Its like a 4-letter word. Except its 8 letters. Which makes it TWICE as bad.  I don't like to sweat. I don't want to work at it.  I just want to look like I did 20 years ago! (Ok, I'll settle for 10 years ago!) But, you get the picture. I have begun though. Its almost as hard as quiting smoking. Almost. I feel like someone's grandma with my program - walking. For now, its a start. And I am proud of myself for being motivated to do this. 

I want my marriage to be healthy too. I think Paul deciding to go to rehab, and me deciding to take a more ACTIVE role in my own life is a good start.  I need some help in this area too.  Because for too long we have both been just floating along, not really participating.  The reasons for that are too many to get into in one post.  I plan to use this blog to explore them individually.  And, by doing so, shine a light on problems I need to work on, problems Paul needs to work on, and things we can do together to BE together. 

Faith. What makes a healthy spiritual life? I think that my prayer life is pretty good, I "pray continually and often". But, the rest? I'm not so sure of.  I feel angry and bitter alot. I DO trust that God has a plan for me, in everything that happens in my life.  What I DON'T trust is that I am going to recognize that plan. What if I don't follow where He is leading? Obviously, in this sinful world I have followed the wrong path many times.  And Bible study? Nope. Don't do it. I know I should. I have in the past. I just never feel like I can choose the "right" one for me. I know. Excuses, excuses. I need to find the motivation to start. It should have been my first "improvement". Its not. I hope I can find the "healthy" in this too though.

So, today I can say my MOTIVATION is health. Healthy life, healthy marriage, healthy Faith.  What is your motivation?