Word of the day: Motivation

Motivation is the word I picked for today.  What is my Motivation?

I really want to be healthy. In every aspect of my life.  How do I do that?? Physically, I am making a good start, a healthy start.  I have given up cigarettes - something I have hung onto FIERCELY for more than 20 years.  I had plenty of "reasons" for not quiting: I have too much stress right now, I don't really smoke that much, its too hard while Paul smokes, I LIKE it (really?!)... I could probably come up with more, but the truth is all of them are just excuses.  I am addicted to them. And, like any addiction, until you decide you CAN'T do it anymore, and WON'T do it anymore, you'll keep doing it.  Well, I can't, and won't smoke anymore.  Its healthier for me, its healthier for my kids, and since my body is God's temple - its what HE wants for me. Its not easy, its not fun, do I still want a cigarette? Oh YES. Yes, yes, yes. But, each day is a new day. And there are pretty long stretches of each day that I don't even think about smoking.

And now, EXERCISE.  Its like a 4-letter word. Except its 8 letters. Which makes it TWICE as bad.  I don't like to sweat. I don't want to work at it.  I just want to look like I did 20 years ago! (Ok, I'll settle for 10 years ago!) But, you get the picture. I have begun though. Its almost as hard as quiting smoking. Almost. I feel like someone's grandma with my program - walking. For now, its a start. And I am proud of myself for being motivated to do this. 

I want my marriage to be healthy too. I think Paul deciding to go to rehab, and me deciding to take a more ACTIVE role in my own life is a good start.  I need some help in this area too.  Because for too long we have both been just floating along, not really participating.  The reasons for that are too many to get into in one post.  I plan to use this blog to explore them individually.  And, by doing so, shine a light on problems I need to work on, problems Paul needs to work on, and things we can do together to BE together. 

Faith. What makes a healthy spiritual life? I think that my prayer life is pretty good, I "pray continually and often". But, the rest? I'm not so sure of.  I feel angry and bitter alot. I DO trust that God has a plan for me, in everything that happens in my life.  What I DON'T trust is that I am going to recognize that plan. What if I don't follow where He is leading? Obviously, in this sinful world I have followed the wrong path many times.  And Bible study? Nope. Don't do it. I know I should. I have in the past. I just never feel like I can choose the "right" one for me. I know. Excuses, excuses. I need to find the motivation to start. It should have been my first "improvement". Its not. I hope I can find the "healthy" in this too though.

So, today I can say my MOTIVATION is health. Healthy life, healthy marriage, healthy Faith.  What is your motivation?